Oh someone Please save us. Us college kids.

Research papers are never fun. 9 page ones that seem to last forever are espeically no fun. If I would just sit down, close all distractions and write the damn thing I'm sure it would go much faster but haha in the words of Seth Rogen in the 'Like a Boss' skit "Nah, that ain't me." So my procrastination will continue to halt my progress.

I would much rather be writing my novel, I have felt inspired to touch the thing again which must mean I'm getting better haha. Is the 6 month mark a milestone or something? It feels like it. I had to go up to the high school to conduct an interview for work on the 25th, 6 month anaversary to the day that the world as I knew it came to an end (Oh the humanity!) It was really weird. I thought it was going to be difficult but it barely mattered, except for when I walked down the glass hallway and went into the pottery room where I ate lunch everyday during senior year. It wasn't that I didn't have friends to sit with in the cafe (in fact quite the opposite, people would beg me to come down to the lunch room) but I didn't want to. I wanted to spend time with my favorite person...anyway, I said hello to my lovely former art teacher Mrs. Bowers and she was just so thrilled at how happy I was now. She being one of the few people who got to see me at my worst on that fateful day haha. I've felt a bit happier in the recent month, I guess it shows.

So can you believe its November already? Seriously, life goes so fast. I can still remember those first horrible days of high school that seem like yesterday hahah. Oh life!
  • Current Music
    Iris- Goo Goo Dolls (good song)

(no subject)

Today I was walking home from class at noon and I get to the fence by my house and Suddenly! this whole parade of little kids from the Dickey elementary school comes marching down the street with their teachers. I see my old 4th grade teacher, I smile and say hi to her but she doesn't recognize me. I smile to myself at this, oh how the years have changed me...I look at all the little kids bounding down the street talking and laughing as only little kids do and it seems hard to remember a time when things were that easy and fun. I passed a sea of oversized glasses, gap toothed grins and skinned elbows. I passed a time when you were friends with everyone in the class, fights with best friends only lasted until recess was over and your teacher was your hero.

Near the end of the line a little girl with brown hair and glasses turned to me and grinned.
"Hey! Do you go to that school?!" she asked meaning the university.
"Yeah, I do," I replied wondering if the teacher bringing up the rear was going to yell at me for talking to her.
"Is it haunted?!" she asked.
I smiled down at her, "Probably, half this town is haunted."
This earned a dirty look from the teacher and I laughed to myself and passed on as the girl gasped and chatted excitedly with her friends.

Ah youth. Kids and ghosts seem to go together like ice cream and summer. Life is such a funny thing.
  • Current Mood
    thoughtful thoughtful

Why do I look evil in pictures?

Well I suppose I should make a proper introduction now that I am feeling slightly less emo.

Hello, I'm Rachel but if you reading this you probably already know that. My default picture looks slightly devious and perhaps I am. (perhaps its just the eyebrows har har har) I have an odd sense of humor and like to write and speak as if I am from centuries long past. I don't think that I am a typcial person (not that I believe 'typical' even exists). I've often been told that I'm intimidating but the saying it true "the seemingly deadly creature is just as frightened of you as you are of it". People probably think this because:

  • I'm quiet and slightly aloof (until you get to know me)
  • I don't fit into any catagory of any kind (except human female)
  • I have an odd sense of humor
  • I have a fairly good insite into the nature and intentions of a person
  • I seem older than I am
  • I have a lot of self confidence
But mostly:
  • It takes me a very, very long time to get close to someone
  • I confuse people because I come across as invulnerable or passive but I'm still really friendly
  • I don't really like physical contact (if you are a person I hug,  feel special. If I don't, its okay, I still like you anyway hah.)
While this may seem negative, it's not really. I don't feel badly about myself because of these things, its just the way I am and it takes all type in the world. I try to open, optimistic and relatable to people so they don't think I'm so scary. If people are not scared away and take the time to get to know me they will find that underneath the layer of seriousness, I'm actually an extreamly silly, overly dramatic little girl. Unfortuantly, in light of some (not so) recent events, the layer of seriousness has grown thicker and the fun side has been pushed deeper.

Which brings me to another point. Friends. Though they may annoy me at times, I love and appreciate my friends so much. They put up with my wining and oddness and can enjoy and understand it hah. I don't attatch myself easily but once I do, its for life. Which is probably why I have many long lasting, close friendship that span across the east coast. Memories with these that give you that twitchy happy feeling are the most important things to me.

When something should happen that causes one of these friendships to dissolve, it's seriously, as I've found, to be one of the very few things could cause me not to want to get up in the morning. Since I get so attatched to my close friends, their sudden absense leaves an empty hole in me that does not currently feel as if it can be filled by anyone else. I tend to do things in excess or not at all. I guess I went too far with the closeness and trust but when you find someone you connect with enough to call your proverbial other half or 'spirit twin' ...well that's a hard thing to lose. One can only hope because the constant presence of something missing and something holding you back from fully apprciating the good in life is not a good feeling. When things like this happen, it makes me not want to try to be close to people. I know its not a healthy, or mature way to respond and I hope that I will get over it in time because right now I feel like I'm neglecting my friends and family by keeping them at a distance and that makes me sad. I don't want to have to force myself to care and try, I want to just do it and feel it like I used to.

*Sneezes* Ugh, being sick is the ultimate fail!

Up next time: My town and profession <3
  • Current Music
    "Start Wearing Purple"


So what is this thing for really? I've yet to fully discover the full awesomeness of Live Journal I guess. It seems to me than unless you have a really interesting life (Like Lou lol) is anyone really going to read these anyway? Perhaps this will be a better place to emo than myspace surveys and certainly not facebook cause everyone sees that shit hah.

Well, it's 1:02 a.m. I'm sick with a cold on some random night in october....wait, no its not an average night. It's Friday, the 23rd. God I thought it was only, like, the 21st or something. Geesh, time sneaks up on you, no wonder why I'm sad and emoing tonight. It's amazing how your subconcious remembers things even if your waking mind doesn't. Yeah, it makes sense now, the 23rd. 5 months, no best friend, no spirit twin, no favorite person. Yeah I know, shit happens, people change, be positive, smile, life goes on. I know all that but it doesn't make it one once easier.  Has it really been that long since May? Life goes so fast nowadays. I guess that's a good thing. Don't know what else to say at the moment that isn't pathetic emo ramblings of life gone awry so I will just post this I guess.
  • Current Music
    "Please Don't Leave Me" - Pink