Well I suppose I should make a proper introduction now that I am feeling slightly less emo.
Hello, I'm Rachel but if you reading this you probably already know that. My default picture looks slightly devious and perhaps I am. (perhaps its just the eyebrows har har har) I have an odd sense of humor and like to write and speak as if I am from centuries long past. I don't think that I am a typcial person (not that I believe 'typical' even exists). I've often been told that I'm intimidating but the saying it true "the seemingly deadly creature is just as frightened of you as you are of it". People probably think this because:
- I'm quiet and slightly aloof (until you get to know me)
- I don't fit into any catagory of any kind (except human female)
- I have an odd sense of humor
- I have a fairly good insite into the nature and intentions of a person
- I seem older than I am
- I have a lot of self confidence
- It takes me a very, very long time to get close to someone
- I confuse people because I come across as invulnerable or passive but I'm still really friendly
- I don't really like physical contact (if you are a person I hug, feel special. If I don't, its okay, I still like you anyway hah.)
While this may seem negative, it's not really. I don't feel badly about myself because of these things, its just the way I am and it takes all type in the world. I try to open, optimistic and relatable to people so they don't think I'm so scary. If people are not scared away and take the time to get to know me they will find that underneath the layer of seriousness, I'm actually an extreamly silly, overly dramatic little girl. Unfortuantly, in light of some (not so) recent events, the layer of seriousness has grown thicker and the fun side has been pushed deeper.
Which brings me to another point. Friends. Though they may annoy me at times, I love and appreciate my friends so much. They put up with my wining and oddness and can enjoy and understand it hah. I don't attatch myself easily but once I do, its for life. Which is probably why I have many long lasting, close friendship that span across the east coast. Memories with these that give you that twitchy happy feeling are the most important things to me.
When something should happen that causes one of these friendships to dissolve, it's seriously, as I've found, to be one of the very few things could cause me not to want to get up in the morning. Since I get so attatched to my close friends, their sudden absense leaves an empty hole in me that does not currently feel as if it can be filled by anyone else. I tend to do things in excess or not at all. I guess I went too far with the closeness and trust but when you find someone you connect with enough to call your proverbial other half or 'spirit twin' ...well that's a hard thing to lose. One can only hope because the constant presence of something missing and something holding you back from fully apprciating the good in life is not a good feeling. When things like this happen, it makes me not want to try to be close to people. I know its not a healthy, or mature way to respond and I hope that I will get over it in time because right now I feel like I'm neglecting my friends and family by keeping them at a distance and that makes me sad. I don't want to have to force myself to care and try, I want to just do it and feel it like I used to.
*Sneezes* Ugh, being sick is the ultimate fail!Up next time: My town and profession <3